We generally practice focusing through "focusing exchanges". Two or three people take turns either focusing or functioning as a companion. Here's a rough outline of how this goes.
1. The focuser and companion usually sit across from each other and usually fairly close as they need to hear what each other is saying and often the focuser, if in the throes of the process, may be whispering. Where people sit is up to the focuser as we have an agreement that the focuser is in charge during their session. If it's a focusing exchange, the roles will be reversed shortly.
2. The focuser takes some time to relax or "center down." They can do this themselves or the companion can guide them through this process. This may be as a simple as a deep sigh, or following one's breath. It may include scanning parts of the body. It can be helpful to be guided through this step as following someone else's instructions requires concentration and get you out of your normal mindset.
3. The focuser eventually settles their attention internally in the torso area and invites the situations in their life that need attention to show themselves. This could be as simple as asking, "What's happening?" or "What's between me and feeling good right now?" Once the focuser asks the question, they wait to see what pops up, at this point not much different than if you ran into a friend and they asked what's happening and you then asked the question inside as if it was a real question.
4. As issues pop up, the focuser might put these issues "outside" themselves metaphorically as if they were clearing a space internally. It's as if we have this internal space where we register the affect/effect of things we become aware of. We should say that the focuser may or may not say what the issues/concerns/situations are. The focuser shares as much or as little as they want to. They are in charge. This is not a normal conversation. We always tell people new to focusing, "No eye contact." We want them to close their eyes as we want them "looking" inside.
5. Once the focuser has a more or less complete inventory of the main issues, they might then ask themselves, "Which of these need my attention right now?" Usually the focuser will have a sense as to which one needs attention right now. Think of it as a tropism.
6. As the focuser goes through these steps, perhaps if he gets stuck or asks for help, the companion might offer a verbal response. Generally this would be in the form of echoing the word(s) that keep the focuser focused on their internal space, usually the focuser's own words describing the felt sense. The verbal response could also be in the form of questions or suggestions. In the case of questions and suggestions, this is a very delicate thing, as you don't want to interrupt the focuser's process. If you are an experienced focuser, you know that you get into a zone when you are focusing, a kind of altered state of consciousness, and you learn to trust the process. Throughout the session, it is understood that the focuser is in charge. The focuser can tell the companion what they need from them. The focuser is also free to ignore the companion's suggestions. How the session goes is mainly the responsibility of the focuser. That said, when we teach focusing one on one, we do offer guidance, but always with the understanding that the focuser is in charge.
7. Having found or picked an issue, the focuser would keep the issue in from of them as much as possible and try to get a sense of the whole thing, of all that goes with that issue.
8. As they sit with all that goes with an issue, often something will pop up. It could be an image or a memory or an association. It could be a body image, like a parallelogram shaped Swiss cheese object in the left part of the stomach. Or it could be an inchoate sense or feeling that they can't quite find the words for, called a "felt sense" in focusing jargon.
9. Once something does pop, it helps to acknowledge it, for the focuser to just take a moment to say to themselves, "I'm acknowledging this feeling/ image/ memory" that came up when I focused on _______. As they acknowledge that, they may want to notice if there are any secondary feelings about the feeling that come up. This often happens with things that we have strong feelings about. And with these they will usually also want to acknowledge them. Acknowledging helps them to get a little space between them and the issue so that something new can come. It's kind of like the earlier "cleaing a space." Unacknowledged feelings can also derail their process as the focuser often can't get a feeling about a situation because the unacknowledged feelings are in the way. This can be one place where the companion can help by reminding the focuser to do this acknowledging.
10. As they do this exploring of an issue they are doing two kinds of matching. The first has to do with matching whatever pops up, with the issue or situation it is about. Sometimes they can't put their finger on the issue and it's worth taking the time to explore just exactly what the issue is. They might then ask themselves, "What is it about all this that makes me feel ____?" or if they don't have any idea at all, they might want to ask, "What's going in my life that makes me feel ____?" As they do this and wait, something new often pops up, often something that fills in the missing information. As a result the issue or concern may have a different focus.
11. The other kind of matching they might do is matching a word or image to the felt sense that comes up. Or if they are starting with an image or memory, finding the felt sense that goes with that.
12. When they get a match, or get close to a match, they can feel it. When they get it just right, it comes with an "Aha!" kind of feeling. It's helpful to sit with that, to take some time to re-experience that aptness of the word or image for the feeling.
13. If it is apt, often something new pops up. The feeling changes or a new association comes up and then they go through steps 7-11 with whatever new comes up around an issue or situation. As they go through one or more iterations of this exploratory phase, they may get to a point where they feel done - they don't need to explore the issue any more. Or the agreed upon time-frame with their companion has just run out. When that happens, it can be helpful to mark where they ended up, noting both the feeling(s) and the word/association/image(s) and the steps they went through to get there.
14. It often feels natural at the end to say "Thank you", in part to their companion as their presence is almost always helpful, and in part because there is something about this process that feels sacred.
15. Typically a focusing session lasts anywhere from 20-45 minutes. It can be a helpful process in an even shorter timeframe. Usually the focuser and companion work out an agreed upon timeframe before they start. Much of this time is spent in silence as the focuser explores their issue and the images and felt senses of the whole that arise from the process. The entire process may be silent. That is up to the focuser. Even if it is, the role of the companion is still important. The primary thing they bring to the process is their undivided attention. And both the focuser and the companion should bring a readiness to be surprised, to learn something new.
1. The focuser and companion usually sit across from each other and usually fairly close as they need to hear what each other is saying and often the focuser, if in the throes of the process, may be whispering. Where people sit is up to the focuser as we have an agreement that the focuser is in charge during their session. If it's a focusing exchange, the roles will be reversed shortly.
2. The focuser takes some time to relax or "center down." They can do this themselves or the companion can guide them through this process. This may be as a simple as a deep sigh, or following one's breath. It may include scanning parts of the body. It can be helpful to be guided through this step as following someone else's instructions requires concentration and get you out of your normal mindset.
3. The focuser eventually settles their attention internally in the torso area and invites the situations in their life that need attention to show themselves. This could be as simple as asking, "What's happening?" or "What's between me and feeling good right now?" Once the focuser asks the question, they wait to see what pops up, at this point not much different than if you ran into a friend and they asked what's happening and you then asked the question inside as if it was a real question.
4. As issues pop up, the focuser might put these issues "outside" themselves metaphorically as if they were clearing a space internally. It's as if we have this internal space where we register the affect/effect of things we become aware of. We should say that the focuser may or may not say what the issues/concerns/situations are. The focuser shares as much or as little as they want to. They are in charge. This is not a normal conversation. We always tell people new to focusing, "No eye contact." We want them to close their eyes as we want them "looking" inside.
5. Once the focuser has a more or less complete inventory of the main issues, they might then ask themselves, "Which of these need my attention right now?" Usually the focuser will have a sense as to which one needs attention right now. Think of it as a tropism.
6. As the focuser goes through these steps, perhaps if he gets stuck or asks for help, the companion might offer a verbal response. Generally this would be in the form of echoing the word(s) that keep the focuser focused on their internal space, usually the focuser's own words describing the felt sense. The verbal response could also be in the form of questions or suggestions. In the case of questions and suggestions, this is a very delicate thing, as you don't want to interrupt the focuser's process. If you are an experienced focuser, you know that you get into a zone when you are focusing, a kind of altered state of consciousness, and you learn to trust the process. Throughout the session, it is understood that the focuser is in charge. The focuser can tell the companion what they need from them. The focuser is also free to ignore the companion's suggestions. How the session goes is mainly the responsibility of the focuser. That said, when we teach focusing one on one, we do offer guidance, but always with the understanding that the focuser is in charge.
7. Having found or picked an issue, the focuser would keep the issue in from of them as much as possible and try to get a sense of the whole thing, of all that goes with that issue.
8. As they sit with all that goes with an issue, often something will pop up. It could be an image or a memory or an association. It could be a body image, like a parallelogram shaped Swiss cheese object in the left part of the stomach. Or it could be an inchoate sense or feeling that they can't quite find the words for, called a "felt sense" in focusing jargon.
9. Once something does pop, it helps to acknowledge it, for the focuser to just take a moment to say to themselves, "I'm acknowledging this feeling/ image/ memory" that came up when I focused on _______. As they acknowledge that, they may want to notice if there are any secondary feelings about the feeling that come up. This often happens with things that we have strong feelings about. And with these they will usually also want to acknowledge them. Acknowledging helps them to get a little space between them and the issue so that something new can come. It's kind of like the earlier "cleaing a space." Unacknowledged feelings can also derail their process as the focuser often can't get a feeling about a situation because the unacknowledged feelings are in the way. This can be one place where the companion can help by reminding the focuser to do this acknowledging.
10. As they do this exploring of an issue they are doing two kinds of matching. The first has to do with matching whatever pops up, with the issue or situation it is about. Sometimes they can't put their finger on the issue and it's worth taking the time to explore just exactly what the issue is. They might then ask themselves, "What is it about all this that makes me feel ____?" or if they don't have any idea at all, they might want to ask, "What's going in my life that makes me feel ____?" As they do this and wait, something new often pops up, often something that fills in the missing information. As a result the issue or concern may have a different focus.
11. The other kind of matching they might do is matching a word or image to the felt sense that comes up. Or if they are starting with an image or memory, finding the felt sense that goes with that.
12. When they get a match, or get close to a match, they can feel it. When they get it just right, it comes with an "Aha!" kind of feeling. It's helpful to sit with that, to take some time to re-experience that aptness of the word or image for the feeling.
13. If it is apt, often something new pops up. The feeling changes or a new association comes up and then they go through steps 7-11 with whatever new comes up around an issue or situation. As they go through one or more iterations of this exploratory phase, they may get to a point where they feel done - they don't need to explore the issue any more. Or the agreed upon time-frame with their companion has just run out. When that happens, it can be helpful to mark where they ended up, noting both the feeling(s) and the word/association/image(s) and the steps they went through to get there.
14. It often feels natural at the end to say "Thank you", in part to their companion as their presence is almost always helpful, and in part because there is something about this process that feels sacred.
15. Typically a focusing session lasts anywhere from 20-45 minutes. It can be a helpful process in an even shorter timeframe. Usually the focuser and companion work out an agreed upon timeframe before they start. Much of this time is spent in silence as the focuser explores their issue and the images and felt senses of the whole that arise from the process. The entire process may be silent. That is up to the focuser. Even if it is, the role of the companion is still important. The primary thing they bring to the process is their undivided attention. And both the focuser and the companion should bring a readiness to be surprised, to learn something new.